I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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