I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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