i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
