i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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