last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
