You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
