I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
