where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
