y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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