I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
