god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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