jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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