She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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