they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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