The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
