Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
