she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
