i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am mentally ready for anal.
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