man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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