Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
