I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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