just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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