Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
