so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
