The beer is more important than you right now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
