I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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