The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just forgot I was standing up.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize