just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
