??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
