Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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