dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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