You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
