i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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