Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
