is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
