im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
