He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
