That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
