I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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