Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
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I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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