Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
