I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
