It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
