yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
