So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
