but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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