Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
