does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
should my penis look like a turkey
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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