how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
