If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
