I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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