I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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