I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
