and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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