my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
