I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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