You're my little dorito
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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