fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
