Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
