kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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