I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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