My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
