i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
