Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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