Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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