you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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