Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
