I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
