I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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