: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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