I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
