i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
