Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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