There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
