I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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