Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
