he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
