You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
