How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
