I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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