my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
